It Was Just a Wish 43-51

“If it was only “the beginning of a relationship” to you, it was almost the beginning of a spiritual marriage to me. I blocked that out for a long, long time. It may shock you - and I was too young to choose it - but I silently wanted what I think you did: a way to ground what we had and move forward together in a real way. I dreamed about having kids with you. Our connection was what I really needed - you made me feel like the man I somehow knew I would become. I felt the rightness of us as deeply as I’ve felt anything. And our damage at the surface so hard to navigate. But I really wish I had found a way.

”I see a part of you that you couldn't and I think you maybe still can't. The adult woman in you - that’s who I fell for. I wanted to devote myself to us in a way only an older man could. That never left me. So, as an older man, and despite the griefs between us, I stumbled through a dream to try again a decade ago.”