It Was Just a Wish 52-65

“You thought that was planned, a con, a strategy, a matter of lust. It was anything but. It was about that knowing each other. I would never have gone for anything if that wasn’t what we had had and if it didn't seem like possibilities weren't still there. And I would never want you out of manipulation. I let you think it was my libido and my hurt ego alone because I was so ashamed that I felt anything at all when confronted with how you framed things.

”You had said that you and I were the most intense thing you’ve ever known. But that was only the surface. There was love underneath, real love, and it pushed and pulled in equal measure. That was why the energy scorched us with such urgency and fever and why the stakes felt so high. It’s why years later there was still energy. That’s why it felt like the galaxies roared when we went physical. We didn’t need props or performances to summon it. It wasn’t just feeling the Earth moving; it felt like we were the ones moving it. And the eternal was in every climax. 

“I hope you can understand why this has been so hard for me. You don’t realize what you gave me, what your gifts truly did to me. You fit into a place in me I didn’t even know was there. The way you turned your instincts and dissociation into something beautiful - like secret codes only I could read. That formed something in me, taught me a language that made its way into how I see. You never believed in yourself  but your intelligence revealed itself to me in such delicate ways and it was fierce and original. You were so creative, so gentle, so quiet in perspective, but vividly awake. You were both my lost little girl and my exquisite angel and I loved you so, so much.”